..long time no hear..
Sorry about that!
Sorry, and somehow not sorry.
This topic took some time in the making… since the whole SELF-LOVE thing in general takes some time till we are there… right?
Today I am sharing some of MY personal thoughts in regards to this topic – one of my currently favorite “personal construction sites”.
Our journey on earth starts with us coming out of a warm, cosy, comfortable belly – where we enjoyed the “me-time” for 9months.
After leaving this rather solitary environment, we are pretty much ALWAYS surrounded by someone.
Which is – obviously – great but could become our “weakness” later on. Details to follow.
As said: from baby until early adolescence we are constantly surrounded and LOVED by someone. Surrounded by mum, loved by granny. Surrounded by teachers, loved by friends. Surrounded by neighbors, loved by pets.
…until we reach adolescent life and things start getting trickier.
From now on it is not only being “automatically” surrounded and loved by someone anymore, it is rather establishing yourself, shaping your character, fitting (or not) into a certain pattern, adjusting, adapting, facing struggles and resistance, growing, learning, etc.
As you can tell the whole topic is rather complex, reason why I will just highlight one (of many) scenarios:
..Hello High School!..
You are hanging out with “her”? Means you cannot be part of the “hot gang” anymore.
Too good in school? Too stuffy for the cool kids.
Teachers like you? Boooo, nerd!
You need your parents to be proud of you and your grades because you are not/cannot.
You seek granny’s love because your parents are not too happy with your dance performance.
You drop your (nerdy) friend because you feel the overwhelming force by the cool gang.
You are not there to love yourself, yet.
Instead of being true to yourself, embracing your inner you – you struggle adjusting/adapting to your surroundings and secretly hope to be able to keep pace with it all.
If – at this stage in life – someone would ask you, what do you love in yourself?
Most probably your answer would be: “mh.. My shoes? My dog?”
You would most likely not name a (inter)personal skill or achievement etc. you are proud of.
Your character is in the process of being shaped throughout the last couple of High School years; some of us resist to the society pressure – some do not. Some make their way through and beyond the “normal/comfortable/casual” – some do not.
Well, there you are.
Grade 12 – almost graduated; still not life- and yourself-loving because until now you were busy with going to school (8h-16h/18h), studying, writing exams, handling the pressure, aligning to your parents’ vision, etc.
You did it.
12 years of High School = done.
..Did you “live” (between all the obligatory things) until now ?..
Obviously, I do not mean, “live” as in “breathing” only 😉
Looking back I must admit, I did – not as conscious as I live now – but yes, I enjoyed the little lunch breaks which seemed two hours but in fact were just 30min, I enjoyed the candy shop man conversations outside our protective college fence and I loved my dance activities which were constantly competing with my busy school-schedule.
..Did you love yourself?..
No. I did definitely not.
I was trapped between being “Jennylicious” and “Emo”.
Jennylicious = which was my inner me being positive, active, cheeky, bubbly, selfless, creative, proactive, happy, optimistic, crazy and loving towards others
Emo = which was my inner me being negative, frustrated, pessimistic, tearful, sensitive, doubtful, shy, unhappy and uncertain.
..Why like this?.. (Abu Dhabi-insider)
Looking back I do not really have an answer to my 2009-me.
Sometimes I was over the moon with my creative ideas and hilarious jokes.
And at times I hated myself for being me, unable to handle the school pressure, unable to motivate myself to be “spontaneous” etc..
All part of the process, the growth, life, ways of thinking, a matter of perspective, etc.
Looking back – I, as said, don’t have an answer – but to be honest, in 2019 I can tell that I am not seeking an answer.
I am grateful. Absolutely grateful for my puzzle headed and muddled adolescence.
To sum the above up:
Your adolescence is a phase where “others” take care of you, surround and love you and you take care of the others, surround, love and make them happy.
You somehow go with the flow and at times you get to show your inner-rebel.
95% of the tasks and daily run is pre-set and you (have to) blend in.
When “the real life” kicks in we – humans – struggle to adjust to the new circumstances.
We try to get our parents advice as long as we can; we love to call our lives “busy” and hide in the daily whirlwind; we enter friend- and relationships and hope they will make us happy; we do anything for Mum & Dad; we clamp on “toxic” relationships just because they bring comfort and stability; we desist from our “To Do” list because there is no one who wants to join the journey, etc.
In fact, now a new stage in life has come:
You have to stand up for yourself, get your studies together, go and get the job, build your reputation, find new connections, etc.
And do not worry! You are not alone – you are with yourself… an absolute great company which we tend to ignore and a relationship which needs to be established such as any other relationship.
More to follow.
One of the biggest mistakes we make along our journey called LIFE is to believe that LOVE is about finding the right person.
Actually, love is about becoming the right person.
Focus on becoming the person you want to spend your life with.
The relationship with you and you is the longest you will ever have 🙂
The most important thing is actually to be at peace with oneself. KEY.
Why worry about what others might think or do?
You should be your priority.
You are the one hanging out with yourself until the very last day.
You and you.
And no – this is not being egoistic.
This is just how it is.
Encouragement should come from the inside. So, compliment and celebrate yourself.
You as such are able to achieve anything in this life – since it is no one’s but yours.
Make yourself the priority, get aligned, balanced and you will see that universe will help you through.
Take yourself out, eat well, listen to the voice within, feel comfortable by being you, get to know you better, investigate, challenge, dream, explore, know your worth, go for a walk, cry it out, sleep, stretch, nurture your soul, get the inner peace, think and do what makes you happiest.
I am absolutely in love with this self-discovery phase. Of this journey.
I am proud of myself and the hurdles I’ve already jumped. I am grateful.
One thing I have realized (yap, actually quite a few things throughout this journey if you look at the above):
I will never again name someone my “better half” because I have realized that there is no such thing.
You as such are a masterpiece: beautiful, tough, brave, strong and COMPLETE – you are not a fraction.
The better you are aligned with yourself – the more you appreciate the things which add on top to that.
Meaning: Happenings in life, people you meet, relationships you establish etc.
Because you are already at peace with yourself, balanced, happy and centered – so you will appreciate all loving “add ons” even more.
LOVE is not only an emotion felt between two human beings.
LOVE is energy, a gift, universal, equal, a force…
LOVE is being grateful, brave, hopeful, proud…
LOVE is the force which keeps you going.
With LOVE you choose your studies, profession, friends, husband, hobbies etc.
LOVE is key.
LOVE is such an important feeling reason why SELF-LOVE should be the starting point.
The more you are aligned with yourself, the better you will react towards life.
The more you love yourself, the more you glow from the inside.
Once you got this, you will attract e.g. likeminded people, beautiful souls which appreciate your energy.
Stop looking for love just to compensate a self-love deficit. You are enough.
Remember this 😊
In order to attract those special souls it is crucial to feel worthy and valuable.
I promise you: beautiful things will pop up, you will be able to see things differently, appreciate more, love intensly, embrace and soak up every lil bit of this thing called life. Pinky promise!
Do not forget: There is a reason why YOU are on this planet.
Stand up for yourself and LOVE YOURSELF truly.
PS: Absolutely grateful for all this miracles of the past 28 years! LOVE THIS LIFE!